well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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