Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
