just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
