i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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