at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
