I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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