Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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