Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
