All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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