Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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