Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
