Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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