this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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