She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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