When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize