Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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