I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
