fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
