Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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