what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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