I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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