This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
