She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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