I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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