y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Randomize
