i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
