i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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