I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
