I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
