it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
