I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
