if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
