Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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