The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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