I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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