I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
