it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
