Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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