Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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