I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
