I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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