i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
