Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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