Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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