I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
