I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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