Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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