Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
