Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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