I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
