she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize