Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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