Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
