My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
