i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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