she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
