All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
