Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
