please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
