You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Damn victory sex feels great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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