The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
