so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Randomize
