dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
