how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
