I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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