All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
