Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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