I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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