Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.