Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.

(951): View more from California

Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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(817): View more from Texas

90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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(214): View more from Texas

It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(843): View more from South Carolina

he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts

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(916): View more from California

Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

What the fuck, why would you ever do that?

(250): View more from British Columbia

Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..

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