i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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