what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.