I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore