I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.