I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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