there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..