she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea