Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.