I want to stick my p in your. b.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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