Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
